• You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven’t left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven’t left your neighborhood.)
• Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.
• The “farm-to-market” roads have seven lanes.
• If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to Randall’s Flagship, Rice Epicurean Market or a Kroger’s Signature.
• You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.
• When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you know he just stepped in a fire ant bed.
• You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.
• You come to work in short-sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a cold front has blown through, and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees In a matter of minutes.
• You wander into a section of town where you can’t read the street signs but you don’t care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise there.
• You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you’re almost run down by two cross-dressers on roller blades, holding hands.
• You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window-shop.
• You know that “Dad gummit” has nothing to do with your father’s failure to practice good dental hygiene.
• You think “Y’all” is perfectly good usage if you’re referring to more than one person.
• You’ve never seen I-45 in any condition other than under-construction, and you’ve lived here for 20-30 years.
• If the humidity is below 90 percent, it’s a good hair day.
• The only real Mexican food is Tex-Mex.
• You know that while saving you money, “Mattress Mac” has amassed more than the U.S. Treasury has.
• You see nothing unusual about an 80-something former sheriff’s deputy who wears a white toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, “MAR-VIN ZIND-LER, EYE-witness news” into a television camera every night.

[Technorati Tag: Funny]
[Technorati Tag: Humor]
[Technorati Tag: Houston]